It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
