I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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