I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
