wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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