i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
