I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
