They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
