I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize