Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
