Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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