then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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