Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
