A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
