PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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