Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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