just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize