your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Got a toothbrush?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Floor bacon is actually really good
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