Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I want her autograph on my taint
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
