You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
