if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
