Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
