I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
