I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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