two words: eviction party
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
