I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
