Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
