So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
