i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
