at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
