shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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