I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
