just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
