I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
