well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
