i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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