i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
