so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
