There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
