He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
