I want you more than these girls want KFC
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
