This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
