im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
