ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
