She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
