I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
