I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
