My entire life is one complicated drinking game
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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