every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize