My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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