i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You need Xanax blowdarts
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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