Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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