I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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