i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
