I'm gonna have a badass scar
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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