We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
NoShamevember. You game?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
