So drunk, too bad you don't want this
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
