I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
