We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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