Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
