that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
When are your genitals available?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize