Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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