my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
