Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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