I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
