Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
